Book Review: Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

The book, “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft is so informative and eye-opening I couldn’t stop reading it.

 I wanted to know “Why do so many men abuse women and what can be done about it? 

Bancroft has worked with abusive men for over twenty years and informs us that EACH year two to four million women are assaulted by a man at some point in their life.  Bancroft’s valuable insight covers:

  • early warning signs
  • ten abusive personality types
  • the abusive mentality
  • problems with the legal system
  • the long difficult process of change

If you feel you are trapped in an unhealthy relationship and are trying to make sense out of what is happening… this is the book for you! 

For example; one of the most distinct features when you are with an angry or controlling partner is that he frequently “tells you what you should think”. 

This book can be difficult to process for some women to read alone. Reaching out for the trusted support of friends and family is important. And you can get immediate and additional help by calling the National Abuse Hotline (800-799-7233). There are local listings in the area where you live.

The author is an expert on figuring out what controlling men are REALLY saying, the meaning that is hidden behind his words. Bancroft learned that the problem is NOT how a man FEELS it is how he THINKS. The answers are inside his mind.

The purpose of his book is to educate women with the ability to protect themselves and recognize the warnings signs when a man is being abusive.

There is SO much useful information in this book for women or anyone who is being abused that I am thinking about doing a workshop on this topic. Some of my clients who are involved with an abusive and controlling man, each has their own unique blend of tactics and attitudes, his good times and bad times and his specific way of presenting himself to the outside world. 

These women are constantly finding themselves trying to make sense out of what is happening. Bancroft describes the different personality types in his book. The information is very enlightening. If you are interested in attending a workshop, contact me.

Remember, the term ABUSE is about power, it means that a person is taking advantage of a power imbalance to exploit or control someone else.  I love this definition. Whenever power imbalances exist, people take advantage of those circumstances for their own purposes.

The defining moment is when a person starts to exercise power over you in a way that causes harm (physically, mentally or emotionally,) and creates a privileged status for him.

The contents of this book are organized into four parts;

(1) The Nature of Abusive Thinking

(2) The Abusive Man in Relationships

(3) The Abusive Man in the World

(4) Changing the Abusive Man

The purpose for this book review is to reach anyone who is suffering from abuse to let you know there is help out there.

Abusers feel justified and the antidote to this attitude is: ABUSE IS WRONG. All of us are responsible for our own actions, no excuse is acceptable, the damage is incalculable. The problem is with the abuser and is is theirs alone to solve!

Women who read this book will be armed with a clearer picture of what abuse really is and discover there is a road to recovering control over their own lives.

The National Abuse Hotline (800-799-7233)

Contact me if you’d like to learn more.

Maria Bucci, M.Ed LPC DWC-F. Daring Way Facilitator by Dr. Brené Brown

Maria Bucci

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